


And I Will Wait

by mintpearlvoice



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Abortion, Discussion of Abortion, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Friendship, Gen, Hawke & Varric Tethras Friendship, Snarky Hawke, please don't attempt a herbal abortion after six weeks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-23
Updated: 2015-10-23
Packaged: 2018-04-27 16:50:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5056300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mintpearlvoice/pseuds/mintpearlvoice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>while helping the Inquisition, Hawke realizes she's pregnant and panics; Varric is there for her. mentioned/implied Fenhawke.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And I Will Wait

"Varric?"   
The years after Kirkwall had taken its toll on Hawke; curled in her quilt, she looked smaller than ever, a spill of dark curls and long bony limbs.   
He sat carefully beside her. "Anything I can do for you, Killer? Heard you upchucking from all the way outside."  
"Surely I must look better than I feel."  
"In the interests of diplomacy, that must be the case."  
A slight smile cut across her sharp features. "There is something you can fetch me, actually. I want some herbs, and I want to make tea out of them." She stretched, exposing the battle-scars across her wrists.  
"Okay, shoot."  
"Pennyroyal, parsley, rue, tansy. Queen's lace if you can get it. And cotton root bark." Her lips thinned, her gaze leaving his face. "If I'm not down for breakfast tomorrow morning, call a healer. Not the 'Vint, not Mr. Smart-Arse No-Hair… hell, forget it. Odds are on my side, I ought to be able to manage." A certain expression crept into her face; a hardening of her jaw, a calculating flicker in her gaze. The Champion in exile, trudging into battle once again. Often it was Fenris who tugged her back from the edge of the cliff, light kindling heat. A hand on the back of her neck, or turning the dagger from her hand before it could reach her skin.   
But just as often, Hawke slipped away from the people who loved her and took damn stupid risks.  
"Marion. Are you trying to- did you…"  
A burst of harsh laughter brought her to her feet; she paced before the fire. "We were- careless. I was careless. If Fenris finds out, he'll want me to come home and be safe. The world is fucked up, I fucked up- maker's breath, Varric, I'm ten weeks along at least, how could I have been so stupid-"  
Missed meals made her dizzy- it was sheer luck that she met his forearms and not the floor.   
"If I know Fenris, and you know him better than I do, he'll be completely behind whatever you choose. This isn't about him, is it?"  
Her breath deepened, caught. Varric found himself holding his own breath in sympathy until she sat back and let out a long, slow sigh.  
"My parents… they weren't even married yet when my mother started showing. For years after I was born they kept running. They always said they never regretted having me, but… I never had a childhood, Varric. I had to be so quiet no one could even know I was there- spending hours locked in a chest, hidden under haystacks in a wagon. I couldn't make friends because I couldn't risk anyone learning that I existed. When Fenris and I start a family, I want our children to have a real childhood.   
Except my mother always said… if she could go back and live that part of her life over again, she wouldn't change a thing. It's ridiculous, but I almost feel like I’m betraying the dead."  
He searched her face, searched for words. Phrases arrived on the crook of a smile. "Hell, Killer… with all we've been through in the past years, I think Leandra would be pleased that you've survived enough to even consider grandchildren. Not everyone can take a sword through the stomach and still have all their bits in the right place afterwards, yeah? At least now you know everything's in working order."  
She rubbed teary eyes, leaving dark streaks of smudged khol on her cheeks, and managed a laugh. "I suppose that's an unexpected bonus."  
"Now let's get you to a healer and make sure it stays that way."

"Pennyroyal," Vivienne echoed with mounting disbelief and distaste, and "ten weeks along?" She turned on Hawke, drawing herself up. "Really, Champion. There is every possibility you could have been found dead in a pool of your own blood."  
Hawke shrugged, rocking back on her heels. "I've had worse mornings. Pool of my own blood, pool of what Isabella told me was an illegal Qunari sex drug… either way, I'd be fine once I got my boots back on."  
Vivienne raised an eyebrow; is she always like this?  
Varric tipped his chin, the slightest downward motion: gods save us all, yes.   
Vivienne made her way to a lacquerred cupboard in a sweep of silk robes and withdrew a small glass vial, which she pressed into Hawke's hand. "Here. From my own private storage. Before you ask, as much as I disapprove of your politics and methods, I have no intention of poisioning you. This is from a batch I mixed up for myself some months past, and it should still hold its potency. It's also much safer than whatever you were planning on experimenting with. As much as you hate taking orders, you're an agent of the Inquisition now. You're entitled to our resources and our help."  
Hawke swept her a graceful bow on the way out. Uncharacteristically, there was no trace of mockery in her stance.

Hawke sprawled out on her bed. "Here's to you, Blood Clot Hawke. Like all the Hawkes before you, you have a shit sense of timing and make your presence known in the most inconvenient manner possible; you're off to a great start, kiddo. I want you to know that I'm sure as fuck not ready for you this time, and it's not your fault. There's a demon asshole wandering around turning Templars even more monstrous- okay, that's kind of my fault. The man who helped make you is a whole ocean away, and Maker help me, I hope he stays there… I hope he stays safe." She swallowed hard and held the philter up to the light, tilting the dance of its aquamarine glow. "I want you to know that when you come back, I'll have made a place for you. Made the world better. We're going to plant a tree the day you're born and watch it grow with you as the years change. If you have my powers, if you have your father's ears- I won't let anyone hurt you. I know waiting sucks, but stick around while I get the world ready for you. It'll be worth it. Because when I'm ready to be a mother, I'm going to love you so fucking much." She popped off the glass seal with a flick of her thumb. "Here's to us."  
In one gulp, she downed the potion. Then she turned to Varric, a look of absolute affront on her face, like a cat forced to bathe. "You need to have words with Vivienne on my behalf. That tasted disgusting."  
He shrugged, smiling inwardly. It was good to see Hawke back to her normal overdramatic self. "Still safer than pennyroyal, though."   
She stuck out her tongue and flopped back on the bed. "Maker's breath, I hate it when you're right!"  
Hawke had been absolutely correct, Varric thought. She wasn't ready to have a kid, especially with impending disaster threatening all of Thedas. Hell, she was practically a kid herself. But when Hawke someday became a mother… she'd be great at it. That kid would have one hell of an ally on its side- as long as she didn't seriously consider Blood Clot Hawke as a possible name.


End file.
